All I can think about lately is life after pregnancy. There are so many aspects to my regular daily routine that have been put on hold since I've been pregnant. For instance, I normally run every morning first thing in the morning. I'm normally a bouncy, perky morning person (which I miss dearly and this persistent morning sickness has completely robbed me of). I'm used to eating a low carb and low fat diet that I've had to modify significantly to make sure that Madeleine is getting the necessary nutrients that she needs. I normally love shopping for clothes for myself but I can't bring myself to buy anymore maternity clothes and I can't bring myself to buy regular clothes not knowing what my post-partum body will be like. And during this time of year in northern California, I'm normally a total sun worshiper and have a beautifully golden tan going on right about now (Im currently a pretty pasty shade of pale, even though we have a pool in our backyard and this is our first summer in our new home.) Yesterday I was driving to have lunch with my mom, singing along to the radio and couldn't help but think how much fun it will be to go dancing with friends once I'm no longer with child.
It would be wonderful if I could look like this right after having my baby too! LOL
I'm so excited to be a mother and everyday I become increasingly giddy about the moment that I'll finally hold this sweet baby girl in my arms and I can't wait to see Mike hold and admire our daughter. But there's another part of me that's just ready to be a regular woman again instead of being the recipient of stranger's comments about my size ("you look like you're going to explode!"), receiving dirty looks when buying beer or wine at the grocery store (my husband can still drink beer, and when other people have dinner at our house I encourage them to have wine or beer), or sad that my belly is growing so much that it's difficult for even my husband's t-shirts to cover this bump, and don't even get me started on the stretch marks that have taken over my belly and hips.
There is just so much to look forward to after the birth of my daughter. I just wish that moment would finally arrive so I could move forward out of this temporary pregnancy phase. This feeling reminds me of the way I felt when I had a semester or two left before I graduated college, when there was a week or two left before our wedding and when there were just a few days left before the close of escrow on our home. It always seems like time slows down significantly right before a major life change takes place.
Is there anything in your life that you're anxiously anticipating right now?